The Weather

I know that I was thoroughly warned about English weather before I came here but I must take a moment to rant.

First off, the weather was freaking fantastic for my first month here. Had a few cold days but mostly was really nice fall weather, sun shining, birds singing (actually it was the strange people that live across the street singing outside at all hours of the morning), you get my drift. Then there were a few days of crappy raininess which was alright. I could handle that. Then it was back to great, sunny gorgeous fall weather. This is what lead me to think that everyone was just exaggerating. Silly people, I thought, English weather is lovely. Maybe they have more grey days than us, but it's wonderful. La di da.

Now?!! Now it's like I live in hell's urinal and all day long we get pissed on. Sometimes it's just a little bit of pee, more of a tinkle than a stream, but that tinkle flows consistently through out the entire day. Throw in the insane wind and suddenly it becomes a lovely light urine blizzard. Other times it's like a stream of drunken pee that just won't stop. And of course, the thing that makes hell even worse: the wind. I think I could handle it if it were just raining or drizzling BUT when you add the wind into the equation it's like someone pinching you and you think 'ouch, ah well, that's not too bad', and then they STAB YOU IN THE EYE.

I have reached the stage where I delay going outside in the morning for as long as possible (making myself late for work regularly) just so that there are at least 15-20 minutes everyday when my hair looks like it's supposed to because AS SOON as I open the door, PFFFTTT, it dies and looks like shit. I spend pretty much every day looking like something that could have been fabulous died a slow and frizzy death on my head. Why not just wear a hat, you ask? Or use an umbrella? Well, I do both. BOTH. But the wind makes my umbrella and my hat useless because it just blows all the rain at me so I end up damp no matter what, except for the very very top of my head. I may just stop doing my hair altogether. Or maybe I'll buy one of those little pocket straighteners and carry it around with me because I just can not handle this any longer.

Last Saturday I ventured out to get my nails done because I had no other time I could go. It had been windy in the morning and rainy, but it seemed to have calmed down so I took my chance and went to catch the bus to Kilburn. As I waited for the bus, the wind picked up again. Not fun. When I got off the bus it started to rain. As I sat getting my nails done, I washed people walking past struggling against the rain, fighting with their umbrellas when they went inside out, holding on to their children and babies lest they fly away. It was insanity. I lingered in the nail shop as long as possible without seeming strange and then prepared myself to head back out. As I waited for the bus, I am fairly certain I saw a small child blow by in the wind calling for its mother. I attempted to use my umbrella but the wind was so strong it broke. So I stood there getting drenched, hanging on to the bus pole for dear life and cursing this blasted urinal in which I live.

My current prayer is that this so called 'winter' in England does not last as long as winter in Canada. I would trade some beautiful snow for this piss anyday. But at least it's not too cold, so I guess there's a 'brightside' to this urinal. Maybe not so much a 'brightside' as a 'less suicide-inducing' side.

Please do not comment on this post about how lovely the weather is in Winnipeg. I know. My mom showed me on Skype, despite my protests. No snow, sun shining, grass still green, all that crap. Lucky bums. Enjoy it while you can because soon you will happily trade your icebox for my urinal.